The Day I Nearly Joined MI5
August 29, 2024 by Doctor Vernon Coleman
The following is taken from the first of my seven diaries. This one is entitled `Diary of a Disgruntled Man’.
January
1
11.50 a.m.
A few months ago I saw an advertisement from MI5. They were looking for a new Chief Scientific Advisor. I couldn't resist it. I obtained an application form and filled it in. It was all terribly casual though they did tell me I shouldn't tell anyone I'd applied. (So don’t tell anyone I told you.) I sent in an e-mail request for a form and it occurred to me afterwards that the people at MI5 who routinely read my e-mails must have had something close to a fit when they saw it.
When I told The Princess I had applied for a job at MI5 she misheard and wanted to know why I'd applied for a job with a furniture superstore. `There are two things I don't understand,' she said. `Why do you want a job with MFI and why can't I tell anyone?' I told her I couldn't answer either question.
When the form arrived I filled it in very neatly. I gave them the Post Box address, of course. Either they know where we really live (in which case they don't need to be told) or they don't (in which case I'm not going to tell them and they're so incompetent that they don't deserve to know anyway). On the form they seemed more concerned about whether I had any disabilities than anything else. They asked three times and in the end, because I felt that I wasn't likely to be taken seriously unless I could tell them about some disablement, I made something up. I can't remember what it was now so if anyone ever finds the form and asks me about it I'll be in a tricky position.
Going through my accumulated e-mails I see that I haven't got the job.
I wasn't terribly disappointed or surprised.
The Princess said she wondered if it was because they thought I was too old and asked if I thought I should take them to an industrial tribunal. The thought did appeal but somehow I expect I'll forget about it and never get round to doing anything. It would be a jolly wheeze, though.
It did occur to me this afternoon that if they had any sense they would have hired me. A bit of imagination and lateral thinking wouldn't have done them any harm.
Taken from `Diary of a Disgruntled Man’ by Vernon Coleman. To purchase a copy please CLICK HERE
How ill educated doctors are today.
He thought he had acid reflux. Doctors found a much different problem.
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/rich-bugay-acid-reflux-aortic-aneurysm-mayo-clinic/
For years, Rich Bugay struggled with constant discomfort and difficulty breathing. To deal with the sensation of a burning mouth, the father of three ate cough drops nearly nonstop. Just picking up his legs to walk was difficult, and intense fatigue was a constant struggle, leaving him exhausted.
Initial visits to doctors didn't provide many answers. Doctors thought his symptoms were linked to his gastrointestinal system, so he underwent a colonoscopy, which he said "ruled a lot of stuff out," but didn't provide any new answers. Some doctors thought he might have gastroesophageal reflux disease, or GERD, a chronic form of acid reflux. Bugay tried numerous treatments for the condition. Nothing made his symptoms any better.
Frustrated with his inability to get answers, Bugay asked a friend to get him an appointment at the Mayo Clinic. He and his wife traveled from Escanaba, Michigan, for an appointment with gastrointestinal specialist Dr. Houssam Halawi, intending to stay just a few hours. Halawi embarked on a typical GI workup — but took the extra step of listening to Bugay's heart after suspecting that his symptoms pointed to a larger issue.
"The symptoms seemed more systemic, more diffuse than tend to be blamed on just an acid problem," Halawi said.
Halawi's exam picked up what he called a "very suspicious" heart murmur. Bugay and his wife decided to stay overnight so he could have an echocardiogram the next morning. The cardiac exam unveiled a deadly surprise: A seven-centimeter aortic aneurysm that could fatally rupture at any moment.
"The bombshell kind of blew up at that point," Bugay said.
I'd never been told I had an Enlarged Heart, with a small valve leak with fluid around the heart. The Nuerologist found it.
What a great sense of humor. I love your style!