Radicalized Squirrels In MAGA Hats Begin Uprising
November 4, 2024 by The Babylon Bee
After government authorities seized and executed the beloved squirrel known as "Peanut," squirrels across America donned tiny MAGA hats and launched a mass uprising.
"For Peanut!!" shouted the squirrels as their forces stormed government buildings. "Vive la révolution!"
Anti-government sentiment had steadily risen among squirrels over the past decades, creating a powder keg of anger ready to ignite. "Peanut's death lit the match," said organizer Squeaks O'Hoolihan. "Too long, we squirrels have stayed dormant, losing our freedoms to the government inch by inch. No more. Today, we stand and fight, fight, fight! The fires of revolution shall spread across the nation like a cleansing balm."
The uprising began in New York, where government commandos busted into Peanut's humble abode and killed the kindly squirrel. "Within hours, there were tens of thousands of squirrels gathered in Central Park, each wearing a MAGA hat," said police officer Darryl Smith. "The squirrels were prepared, organized, and unbelievably disciplined. We're in real trouble."
At publishing time, a squirrel army had been seen heading for the Capitol with a contingent of buffalos.
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Not only is this sad, and true, but what kind of Fucked Up Government would actually do such a thing. (-Edwin)
Imagine if rather than being concerned about hitting one with the car, you had to look at them as actual predators, what if they knew the government was out to get them, and devoted their efforts to chewing up wires, cables, gas lines, or even worse, kidney machines, small children or babies?
Is there no one willing to stand up for animal rights in our government, no judge or anybody?