Passing Observations 249

June 18, 2024 by Doctor Vernon Coleman

1. The saying `it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven' is actually a mistranslation from the Greek. The scribe responsible confused the word `kamelos' meaning camel with the word `kamilos' meaning rope. So the phrase should read `it is easier for a rope to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven' which, though more prosaic, does have the benefit of being understandable.

2. Paris is overrun with dogs which between them deposit around ten tons of faeces on the city’s streets – every day. Locals do a funny sort of dance as they walk on the pavements. Tourists, who are too busy admiring landmarks or architecture to watch their feet, expostulate loudly at regular intervals.

3. Other than giving everyone a tenner to vote Labour, it is difficult to see what else Sunak could have done to lose the election and to destroy the Conservative Party. The big question now is who will lead the Conservative Party after they sustain their biggest humiliation in electoral history. Not that it matters much. The Labour Party will drive us onwards towards Net Zero and the Great Reset. Oh, and what are the odds that the awful Sunak becomes the first sitting Prime Minister to lose his seat? He is, without a doubt, the worst leader we’ve had since King John.

4. My right knee is giving me trouble (an old injury has flared up) and I have plantar fasciitis in my left foot. The problem is that when walking I don’t know which leg to favour. As a result I think I probably walk like a sailor on shore leave.

5. Do the BBC and The Guardian still hire that woman called Devi Sridhar, I wonder? Is she still advising the Scottish Government? Do you remember her? She was the one who (on the BBC, of course) told children that the covid-19 vaccine was perfectly safe.

6. I’ve been reading, reviewing and assessing scientific papers for nearly 60 years. I have never worked for a drug company (I am pleased to say). I spent ten years working in hospitals and as a GP principal. I’ve edited two medical journals (British Clinical Journal and the European Journal of Medicine) and lectured doctors and nurses at medical schools on two continents. I’ve written articles for a score of medical journals including British Medical Journal, Nursing times, Nursing Mirror, Journal of medical ethics, Lancet, New Physician, Pulse, Doctor, General Practitioner, Nursing, Journal of Alternative Medicine, World Medicine, Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine, Geriatric Medicine, American Journal of Nursing, Hospital Life, Hospital Times, Medical News and many other specialist medical publications. I mention all this because I am criticised frequently by belligerent and destructive idiots with no medical qualifications or relevant experience whatsoever who claim that there are no germs and that covid-19 originated in Wuhan, China. Curiously, I’ve never seen these people attack those who promote vaccines. And many of them still have active YouTube accounts. They also invariably believe that the earth is flat. And most of them seem to think the vaccines are a good thing. They’re wrong on every count: germs exist, covid-19 (the rebranded flu) was not created in Wuhan and the earth is not flat. And vaccines are useless and dangerous.

7. Why when BBC staffers talk about faeces do they insist on using the nursery word `poo? Is it because all BBC employees are still toddlers? Or do they just think like toddlers?

8. The Advertising Standards Authority is a private organisation funded largely by big advertisers. It can no more ban an advert than you can. Complaints about the ASA have been made to the Office of Fair Trading. Mainstream media outlets which pretend that the ASA is an organisation with real clout are being disingenuous and misleading.

9. Several gardeners I know tell me that they cannot grow crops this year because of the peculiar weather being created by Solar Engineers. This is, of course, deliberate. Governments in some parts of the world have banned householders from growing crops at home or in allotments. In the UK, the Gestapo have been a little more subtle. They are using manufactured grey skies and cold breezes to stop people growing their own healthy good.

10. The Labour Party will build a rash of twenty minute cities across Britain if, as seems certain, they win the general election. If you want to know what lies ahead please read `Their Terrifying Plan’. You can buy a copy through the bookshop on www.vernoncoleman.com

11. A talker isn’t a thinker because he talks and a pundit isn’t wise because he pundits.

12. If and when World War III starts, women, as well as men, will be called up to serve. That’s what equality means. I’m sure that women who have been fighting hard for equality will be delighted to abandon their homes, children and jobs, pick up their rifles and a sack of grenades and rush off to Ukraine as human fodder. With all that depleted uranium around I hope that both men and women remember to wear lead knickers.

13. Any care home which truly cares for its residents will provide a mobile hairdresser and beautician.

14. `La vie est un reve; c’est le reveil qui nous tue.’ –Virginia Woolf.

15. A Muslim cricketer has apparently complained that alcohol should not be allowed to play a part in the social life of cricketers in England. If he doesn’t like English customs then he would perhaps find life more cordial if he were to move to another country. If I were to move to a Muslim country I would expect not to drink alcohol in deference to local laws, mores and customs. When in Rome. When in London. When in Islamabad.

16. Life is two thousand miles of burning hot desert without shoes or a water bottle.

17. Airports are bringing back the very silly rule which stops travellers taking fluid with them. Many patients need to take medicines in liquid form and so will not be able to travel. (I have seen it said that travellers should put essential fluids in their luggage rather than cabin baggage. This is stupid. No traveller should ever put essential medicines into cases which they do not keep with them. If luggage gets lost or a plane is diverted the consequences could be deadly.)

18. My new book is called `Old Man in an Old Car’. I’m not sure whether it is a philosophy book, a commonplace book or just a book about an old man in an old car. The old car, by the way, is a gorgeous 67-year-old Bentley which weighs two and a half tons and has a 4.8 litre engine. `Old Man in an Old Car’ is available through the bookshop on www.vernoncoleman.com

19. When I first became a medical student I went through a phase of having every disease I learned about. Everyone does it. You start checking for symptoms and looking for signs. And you find them. I thought I’d got over it but now that I have wandered into the lower foothills of middle age it has come back. After all, most serious diseases become commoner in aging bodies.

20. I’m going to write a new version of Sleeping Beauty. When the sleepy head awakes and switches on her phone she discovers that she has seven million emails, 14 million texts and two million missed calls. In despair she takes a fistful of benzodiazepine tablets and goes back to sleep.

21. I’m expecting Boris Johnson to offer himself as leader of the Conservative Party after the general election. But, if the Tories are decimated (as expected) maybe he’ll will cross the floor and join Labour or the Liberal Democrats. It wouldn’t surprise me if he joined the Scottish Nationalists. I find it difficult not to believe that Sunak’s mission is to destroy the Conservative Party entirely. Has there ever been a politician so totally ill-equipped for leadership?

22. How much longer is Zelensky going to pretend to be President of Ukraine? His term of office ended a month ago. Maybe he’s hoping no one will notice.