How Do You Solve a Problem Like Kamala?

October 12, 2024 by J.B. Shurk

Pop quiz, hotshot: You just stole the Democrats’ presidential nomination from a dementia-addled nursing home patient without receiving a single vote from the electorate and while having the lowest approval rating of any modern veep.  Despite the nonstop efforts of corporate news propagandists to anoint you as a deserving heir, Americans rightly see you as a fake, foolish, insecure, insignificant, boozy, Canadian flop who has no business being behind the wheel of an automobile, let alone taking charge of a nuclear arsenal as commander-in-chief.

Do you (a) double down on crazy and find a string of sex-talking shock jocks to interview you about important public policies; (b) flood the country with illegal aliens so that Jim Clyburn’s fraudulent mail-in-ballot operations can overwhelm legitimate voters in battleground states; (c) wait for the FBI, CIA, and NSA to do what they do best by rigging the election in your favor; or (d) hope that Hillary Clinton, Joe Scarborough, Liz Cheney, and other Democrat mouthpieces can slander Donald Trump as a “dangerous Nazi” enough times to incite another attempt on his life?  What do you do?

It’s a trick question.  You do all of the above, of course.  Then you make yourself a white wine spritzer, sit back, and call a bunch of national weather shows to give them your unsolicited drunken advice about surviving hurricanes.  Everybody knows that when hundred-mile-an-hour winds are crashing against a terrified family’s home, nothing provides more comfort than listening to an inebriated chuckler blame “climate change deniers” for the catastrophic weather while taking credit for the heroic actions of emergency search and rescue personnel.  Kamala Harris is just the phone-in phony Americans need for serious times — not!

Of all the things that could be said about Kamala Harris’s unlikely rise to the office of “President” Joe-mentia’s deputy dimwit, perhaps the most striking is that she is just so uncomfortable in her own skin.  I thought it was excruciating to listen to Hillary “Like with a cloth?” Clinton affect a Southern accent in front of certain black audiences when she was running for office (and destroying subpoenaed evidence).  With Harris, though, a different accent emerges several times a week.  Depending upon where she is and perhaps how much she’s had to drink, she twists her speech patterns into all manner of Frankensteinian phonemes loosely resembling urban slang, rural drawls, highbrow enunciation, lowbrow contraction, and even Spanish and French patois.  She’s everything and nothing all at once.

Who swaps identities as if they were silk accoutrements and regurgitates hackneyed stereotypes on demand?  Someone, I would suggest, who does not really trust her authentic self.  Someone who is so insecure that she is willing to be anyone to anybody at any time.  Whatever else such psychological flexibility reveals about Kamala Harris, hers is the exact opposite of a profile in courage.  Moreover, her linguistic pandering proves that she knows how weak, ill prepared, and unlikable she really is.  Who wants to vote for that?

I guess the human-vultures over at The View want to vote for that.  Joy Behar, Whoopi Goldberg, and Ana Navarro look at Kween Kamala and don’t see the epitome of fake.  They see the apotheosis of presidential prestige.  I shake my head in confusion and disbelief, just as I do whenever I come across random teenage “influencers” with millions of “followers.”  How is it that The View still has an audience?  How is it that girlie man Harry Sisson is in a position to “influence” anybody?  It doesn’t bother me that they want to vote for Kamala Harris.  It bothers me that they seem to honestly believe that she is the smartest, most capable, most enlightened presidential nominee in American history.  It’s as if they want to hand her the White House and throw in a Nobel Peace Prize just for showing up.  (Didn’t we do this once already?)  

For the life of me, I cannot understand why Whoopi Goldberg would admire anyone as intellectually insipid as Kamala Harris.  How could a woman who made her living doing stand-up comedy (not an easy skill!) be impressed with a politician who struggles to string words into sentences?  You’d think entertainers capable of extemporaneous speech would take one look at Kamala sans teleprompter and conclude that she doesn’t have nearly the right stuff.  That said, I do remember when Whoopi praised Dr. Jill Biden as some kind of world-class neurosurgeon, only to discover that the first lady had acquired an Ed.D. in “educational leadership” later in life chiefly to sate her own petty desire to have a noble honorific on par with her senator husband.  So perhaps being bamboozled is Whoopi’s thing.

That does seem to be Kamala’s key demographic — people who are too dumb or too lazy to do basic research before pretending to be experts in what they are not.  I guess that’s why her #1 Fan is some former Biden groupie named Harry Sisson.  That guy’s one wheel short of a bicycle and looks as though he got his braces taken off just last week, but apparently he’s a modern “political expert” in today’s America.  There was a movie about this, wasn’t there?  Oh right — Idiocracy.

So Kam-Kam’s got the Whoopi and Sisson contingents locked down.  She’s got the fifty million foreign nationals residing in the U.S. who are forced to wittingly or unwittingly participate in the Democrats’ fraudulent mail-in-ballot schemes.  (I’m pretty sure that the only illegal aliens who get deported these days are the ones who complain to Democrat secretaries of state that someone stole their identities and unlawfully registered them as citizen-voters.)  She’s got all the young, single women who have been indoctrinated to believe that Donald Trump will somehow prevent them from choosing casual sex with strangers from Tinder over monogamous and fulfilling marriages.  She’s got women of every age who enjoy wearing knit vulvas atop their heads and killing their children up to (and sometimes after) the moment of birth.  She’s got all the gullible climate-tards who believe not only that fake “global warming” models are real (spoiler alert: every single prediction has been wrong for over one hundred years), but also that the planet can be “saved” by forcing citizens to pay a carbon tax to the government.  She’s got all the race-hustlers, LGBTQIA+ supremacists, and ideological malcontents who agree only that they all hate white people, heterosexual males, Christians, Jews, and happy families.  And last — but certainly not least — she’s got the vast, unelected, and unaccountable administrative state, whose members feed off private-sector taxpayers.  The bureaucratic blob, the Deep State, the national security surveillance state, the armies of pencil-pushing, regulation-loving cubicle kings posing as humble “public servants” — call them Legion — these are Kamala Harris’s real constituents.  She answers to the government Leviathan that answers to no one else.  These are her people.

Is it enough?  Can she mix together ignorance, arrogance, sexual angst, racial animosity, militant feminism, beta-male subservience, mass censorship, fraudulent votes from non-citizen residents, mail-in ballots from foreign NGOs, youthful hubris, naïveté, bureaucratic authoritarianism, privilege hiding behind victimhood, religious-like devotion to dogmatic belief disguised as scientific expertise, and a fascination with global government that is merely a modern rendering of Marxist-fascist totalitarianism from last century?  Can she take all this filth, add in huge dollops of “joy” and “vibes,” and somehow create something appetizing enough for victory?

I really don’t think so.  Even with all the inevitable ballot fraud that will disenfranchise citizens in so many states, the Harris/Walz stew just stinks.  Kamala’s got a problem with no viable electoral answer.  In the end, you can’t fix fake.