God Announces He Will Now Be Voiced By James Earl Jones

September 10, 2024 by The Babylon Bee

HEAVEN — Though many have claimed to have heard the voice of God throughout human history, the Lord will now have a voice that is highly identifiable by all people, as a representative from Heaven confirmed that the deceased James Earl Jones has been contracted to play God's Voice for all eternity.

"It's a natural fit," said a spokesangel shortly after news of Jones's passing made the rounds. "The Lord blessed James Earl Jones with his awesome, booming voice with an eye toward using it for His glory well into eternity. Though Mr. Jones used his voice talent to garner fame and fortune during his time spent on earth, he will now use it in service to God Almighty."

Well-known for his roles in films such as Field of Dreams, The Lion King, and all three movies in the Star Wars franchise, James Earl Jones will now lend his authoritative and pleasant voice to God for whenever He really wants to get the attention of human beings. "Truth be told, there are times when his voice would have come in handy in previous years," the spokesangel continued. "Can you imagine how terrified Moses would have been if he had heard the voice of Darth Vader coming from the burning bush? Forget taking off his sandals, Moses probably would have needed a new pair of shorts."

At publishing time, an insider from Heaven revealed Jones was relieved to no longer have to be the voice that says "This is CNN."